Sorry, I couldn't help myself...
Cheers!
Ring, ring...Hello! and welcome to the Gardener's Psychiatric hotline.
If you are buying plants, yet have no space or time to plant them, you are
obsessive-compulsive. Please press 1 repeatedly.
If you want someone else to do the digging, you are co-dependent. Please
ask someone to press 2.
If you will plant anything and everything, you have multiple personalities.
Please press 3, 4, and 5.
If you are sure the sun, rain, bugs, and plant diseases are out to get you,
you are paranoid delusional. We know who you are and what you want..just
stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are sure the flowers are talking to you, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which button to press.
If you can't throw away a plant, even if it is dying, you are
manic-depressive and it doesn't matter which button you press.
If you think your garden is being attacked by evil spirits, press 6-6-6.
If you continue to plant only flowers with fragrance, you are nasally
fixated. Please press the scratch-and-sniff button.
If you occasionally hallucinate and know that this year your garden is going
to look as good or better than Martha Stewart's please be aware that the
thing you are now holding to the side of your head is alive and is about to
bite your ear.
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